And I'll rise like the break of dawn

Trigger warning: eating disorders and anxiety.

I'm giving the post the title that I am because it's rare that I find a quote that bears so much relevance to my life. As I'm sure you will all know, it's a line of the incredibly successful and to some, grating song "Let It Go" from Disney's Frozen. The lyric refers to Elsa, the character who sings the song, letting go of her past struggles, in the process accepting and loving herself for the first time in her life so that she can be the most amazing - and magical - version of herself. It's the subject of overcoming struggles that I'll be talking about today. Though it may be hard, it's possible to get through things and to rise like the break of dawn at the end of them. This isn't a life advice guide, it's a story about how things do get better (however cheesy that may be).

I'm now nineteen years old and the past few years of my life have been the best of times and also the worst of times. I go to an amazing university studying a subject that I love, with friends that I cherish dearly and an incredibly supportive family. I dress the way I like and in a way that makes me feel happy. I get to visit Disneyland Paris once a year. Life is pretty great. However, for a long time I never saw this level of joy as possible. The past couple of years have also included difficult heartbreak when I broke up with the person I thought that I was in love with, struggles with motivation at school and genuine fear I wouldn't get into university and most significantly to me, an eating disorder and realization that I suffer from anxiety. My eating problems started in 2013 when I decided that I hated the way I looked - despite never been overweight, I was convinced that my size 10 body wasn't what I wanted hence leading me to go on an extremely restrictive diet. By March I was underweight and by April I was having regular doctors appointments to weigh me and warn me about the likelihood of my body failing to function should I keep on the way I was going. The year that I struggled with getting to a healthy weight was extremely difficult but I found a release in the Disney fandom and fashion blogging - talking to my friends about things I love distracted me partially from the obsessive thoughts in my mind and somehow helping me get back to a weight that wasn't as dangerous. It was also around this time when I started to suffer extremely badly from anxiety attacks. I've always had problems interacting and engaging with people in social settings (be it hanging out with large groups or ringing people on the phone) but the issues I worried about went deeper than this. I doubted who I was, the things I loved - it was, and still is, a huge and scary part of my life. What really helped me with my anxiety was my move to university in September last year. It was by far the most nerve wracking and biggest experience of my life but it has taught me so much about the world and helped me find myself, mainly through meeting my flatmates and my sort-of-flatmates (this will only be understood by people I know very well) who I love endlessly.

This post is a bit random and kind of pointless but I just want to share my story of how things get better. Life may be hard at times and everything may seem like a dark cave with no opening at the end of it, but you have to stay strong. You're amazing, you're beautiful and you're enough. I still get anxious and I still get triggered about my weight. But loving yourself can happen one day. Elsa learned to love herself and even though that stopped when she hurt Anna, she rose like the break of dawn again. And you can too. <3

Why I'm a proud Disney-loving feminist

Ah, Disney and Feminism - two things that are often pitted against each other. When most people think of the Walt Disney Company in relation to the portrayal of women - in particular their famous lineup of princesses - they think "outdated", "passive" and often "anti-feminist". The Disney Princesses constantly come under flack for being bad role models for young children, which is a viewpoint I am strongly opposed to. As I identify as feminist, this is an opinion I'm sure a lot of people may think of as hypocritical or wrong. "Ariel gave up her voice to be with man!" "All the princesses end up married!" "Beauty And The Beast promotes Stockholm Syndrome!" Though there are elements of truth in a lot of the company's criticisms, there is also a lot of misunderstanding.

A common issue that the media, in particular feminist critics, find in the lineup of Disney women is the importance placed on beauty and the idea that being pretty will get you where you want in life. Criticism has been focused on the attractiveness of seemingly all of the female leads in Disney movies, with comparisons drawn to the diverse body types and character designs of women seen in other animation studios' films (a particular modern favourite being Eep from DreamWorks Animation's The Croods). I personally can see the point behind this criticism - I believe Disney as of the latest few features have gone to the same design for their female characters and a little more diversity would always be welcome. But the idea of being pretty being the other thing that matters is extremely untrue. Though a lot of the princesses may initially catch the eye of their suitors due to their physical appearance, it is in many cases their personalities that are the most important part of their character throughout the movie. In Snow White And The Seven Dwarves, the eponymous heroine may be the fairest of them all but it is her kind nature and positivity during hardship that wins the love and friendship of the dwarves. In the most recent movie Frozen bumbling awkward Anna is the one who gets the man, through the bond they forge over their dramatic journey together. Belle in Beauty And The Beast constantly is told that she is beautiful but she knows there is more than life to that, as she rejects sexist town heartthrob Gaston in favor of the Beast. There is no doubt that the princesses are beautiful and this is definitely alluded to, heck even played up by the Disney Princess franchise of merchandise, but when you watch and pay attention to the movie it is far from the only notable part of their characters.

Possibly the biggest criticism made of Disney women is their so-called "lack of independence" as well as their weakness. This, in my opinion, is total shit. Even looking at the earliest Disney women there is little passivity. Snow White escapes her abusive stepmother and basically starts her own business, despite this being housework (a typical gender role). Aurora rebels against her family in order to dream of the life she wants. Ariel goes after her passions despite what her loving yet oppressive father orders. Mulan defies gender roles to fight for her honor. It's a pretty reoccurant theme - Disney women are boss ass bitches who dare to dream and will fight for their goals, their hopes, their freedom - whether this is a man or not. Ariel in particular is a character who is extremely heavily criticized which infuriates me to no end. Many claim she gives up her voice purely to be with a man, which is technically true however it is made clear she wants to be a human way before love even enters the picture. She's 16, she's curious and she's oppressed - when an option comes along for her to escape the world she hates so much, she takes it. And it's also worth noting that she SAVES her prince long before he saves her. Cinderella is also important in this argument, often being lumped into the category of generic princess waiting to be saved. Cinderella is one of the strongest Disney women in my opinion - "they can't order me to stop dreaming" is a quote that always sticks with me as showing incredible emotional strength and inspiration. Walt Disney himself even said that Cindy was his favourite princess stating

“She believed in dreams, all right, but she also believed in doing something about them. When Prince Charming didn't come along, she went over to the palace and got him.”

The latest Disney princesses are great examples of active and independent female characters. Tiana runs her own business and works hard but also acknowledges the importance of love. Merida shoots for her own hand, riding off into the sunset (literally) without a man by her side. Elsa, also without a male counterpart, is strong, beautiful and heartbreakingly inspirational in her struggles and eventual acceptance of her powers (an incredibly powerful analogy to mental illness), Rapunzel has an incredible scene where she stands up to her abuser and seizes her own power. Though some critics argue the feminism in Disney is simple, it definitely is there and it is extremely important in my opinion.

Disney princesses may be beautiful. They may often end up with a husband and they may need saving sometimes. But this doesn't mean they can't kick ass, speak their mind and save themselves and others. Though some aspects such as character design and diversity can be improved, Disney has taught me that it's okay to be scared sometimes but it is possible to get out of those situations through hard work and positivity. It shows that love is important but so is hard work. It shows that you can be beautiful but there is more to you than that. And I'm proud to say that I'm a feminist who adores Disney.

"I am a princess, long may I reign."

An Introduction

Hello internet. My name is Cara and I am a nineteen year old first year Journalism student at Bournemouth University. I already have another blog - a personal style and fashion one - which I have been running on and off for over two years now, but I feel that the genre of said existing blog stops me from candidly discussing certain issues. As well as being interested in fashion, I also find a passion in other areas such as film, music and popular culture. I also self identify as a feminist and a LGBTQ+  straight ally. This blog will be a tool for me to express my opinions on other topics that I find interesting, be it a review of a new release by my beloved Walt Disney Company or a discussion about feminism.

I feel that introduction posts need to also introduce the writer so here are a few facts about me...

• I'm a huge Disney geek. I think the movies are masterpieces, the parks are my home and Walt Disney is a true inspiration. My love of Disney will feature heavily in this blog because as you will know if you know me, I never shut up about it.
• My blog name is a reference to the Sleeping Beauty song "I wonder" because I'm kind of obsessed with that film plus it's fitting. Win win.
• Aside from Disney, I love all genres of film. I'm that annoying person who will talk about cinematography and score and probably sound like a total pretentious twat but also will watch crappy romantic comedies that were made for TV. #bitchdon'tkillmyvibe
• I have a twin sister. We're non-identical and she's way cooler than me.
• Tom Hiddleston is my favourite celebrity because he's basically a flawless human being.
• I want to visit Florida, California and Toyko more than anywhere else in the world.
• My dream job is to work for BuzzFeed.
• I say "literally" too much.
• I have a pizza box on my floor that I need to throw away and shorthand exercises that I need to be doing, but instead I'm writing this blog post.

If you want to follow me on any social media (Twitter, Instagram, etc) my handle is @carackobama. I hope you'll enjoy this random mash up of a blog because I'm stoked to start writing it!