And I'll rise like the break of dawn

Trigger warning: eating disorders and anxiety.

I'm giving the post the title that I am because it's rare that I find a quote that bears so much relevance to my life. As I'm sure you will all know, it's a line of the incredibly successful and to some, grating song "Let It Go" from Disney's Frozen. The lyric refers to Elsa, the character who sings the song, letting go of her past struggles, in the process accepting and loving herself for the first time in her life so that she can be the most amazing - and magical - version of herself. It's the subject of overcoming struggles that I'll be talking about today. Though it may be hard, it's possible to get through things and to rise like the break of dawn at the end of them. This isn't a life advice guide, it's a story about how things do get better (however cheesy that may be).

I'm now nineteen years old and the past few years of my life have been the best of times and also the worst of times. I go to an amazing university studying a subject that I love, with friends that I cherish dearly and an incredibly supportive family. I dress the way I like and in a way that makes me feel happy. I get to visit Disneyland Paris once a year. Life is pretty great. However, for a long time I never saw this level of joy as possible. The past couple of years have also included difficult heartbreak when I broke up with the person I thought that I was in love with, struggles with motivation at school and genuine fear I wouldn't get into university and most significantly to me, an eating disorder and realization that I suffer from anxiety. My eating problems started in 2013 when I decided that I hated the way I looked - despite never been overweight, I was convinced that my size 10 body wasn't what I wanted hence leading me to go on an extremely restrictive diet. By March I was underweight and by April I was having regular doctors appointments to weigh me and warn me about the likelihood of my body failing to function should I keep on the way I was going. The year that I struggled with getting to a healthy weight was extremely difficult but I found a release in the Disney fandom and fashion blogging - talking to my friends about things I love distracted me partially from the obsessive thoughts in my mind and somehow helping me get back to a weight that wasn't as dangerous. It was also around this time when I started to suffer extremely badly from anxiety attacks. I've always had problems interacting and engaging with people in social settings (be it hanging out with large groups or ringing people on the phone) but the issues I worried about went deeper than this. I doubted who I was, the things I loved - it was, and still is, a huge and scary part of my life. What really helped me with my anxiety was my move to university in September last year. It was by far the most nerve wracking and biggest experience of my life but it has taught me so much about the world and helped me find myself, mainly through meeting my flatmates and my sort-of-flatmates (this will only be understood by people I know very well) who I love endlessly.

This post is a bit random and kind of pointless but I just want to share my story of how things get better. Life may be hard at times and everything may seem like a dark cave with no opening at the end of it, but you have to stay strong. You're amazing, you're beautiful and you're enough. I still get anxious and I still get triggered about my weight. But loving yourself can happen one day. Elsa learned to love herself and even though that stopped when she hurt Anna, she rose like the break of dawn again. And you can too. <3